Thursday, May 7, 2015
Lover, have I been too hard on you? When I tricked you, when I licked my wounds and grimaced, when i writhed before your eyes, pulled my knife out, made you watch me make incisions. When I called you every vile name I thought of, when I hauled off, put my hands on you, caught up in the ways our parents taught us Lover, have I been too hard on you? Too cold hearted, too entitled to give pardon, not realizing we'd be parted Lover, have I been fucking blind, made you sick while I lied to you, smiled knowing I controlled your mind. When I used my words for hurting, when I used the tongue and lips I kiss you with to hurl insults, like a sin against our gifts. Lover, did my ego take the reins, sitting high upon my horse, forcing you to take the blame for all my pain. Disappointed when you didn't give me diamonds, when you didn't give me time, when you didn't mind the silk I let you climb in. Angry when you didn't say my name, when your eyes wandered aimlessly, even as my own self did the same. Scorned when you tore my flesh apart, then you started out in darkness, when you didn't rest your head where we made art. Jealous when you didn't share your riches, when you didn't give me dinners, trips, and gifts, when you didn't make me Mrs. Lover, have I been too hard on you? When I forgot you bleed, that you will leave this world, that someday I will too. When I forgot that we will someday say goodbye, and i won't know it when I hear your words that day, that it will be for the last time.